Can't believe it's Monday afternoon already. The weekend always goes by too quick.

Gram's memorial service was nice. To be honest, I was kind of dreading it. There are some family members that I don't particularly go out of my way to see and was just not looking forward to being forced to interact with them. And it annoyed me that this service was happening at all when Gram made it clear that when she passed away she did not want a fuss made. I wondered how much it would have upset her that this was done, and on her birthday, to boot. Thing is, as annoyed as I was going into this, it really did help with closure. Her passing feels easier to accept now. So, Gram, I hope you understand that (even if we didn't realize it) we needed this, and it's going to be a little easier for us to move on, now.

It was good to see my brother and his family, too. My sister-in-law seemed a little more normal than usual. I haven't seen them in a little over a year. My brother looks so tired. And he's gained a bit of weight. I'm no lightweight myself, but the amount he's gained in only a year concerns me, especially since he looks so tired. Hope he stops being so stubborn and goes to the doctor.

Saw one of my younger cousins, L, too, who just had a baby. She's always been a perky kid and it's nice to see her settled down with a nice guy and enjoying motherhood. I have a question, though. Am I a bad person because I don't fawn over babies? I never have, really. The only children I guess I could say I've ever fawned over when they were born are my sister's. In fact, my sister's kids are still a very big part of my life and I'd give my right arm for any one of them. When my oldest nephew graduated from high school last year, I cried at the ceremony like he was my kid. But as for babies in general, I see women whose jaws just drop to the floor when they see a baby, then they turn to mush and start ooo-ing, ahh-ing and cooing over them, making goofy faces, you know, all that googly-schmoogly stuff. I don't understand it. Maybe it's because I'm not a mother. Maybe it's because I want to be a mother and am jealous because I'm not, I don't know. My cousin S was holding my brother's newborn on Saturday and turned to me and asked, "Would you like to hold your newest nephew?" I just said, "No, thanks." It drew a few looks. I'm just not a baby holder/fawner/whatever.

Put a cat in front of me though and watch me turn into an idiot.

I'm messed up, aren't I.

So the plan was to head home late Saturday, but that didn't happen. Mom and I got talking about a lot of stuff - my frustrations at work, my moronic/deadbeat neighbors, financial stuff, family stuff, D, etc., and before we knew it, it was 11:30. I was too tired to make the drive home, so we spent another night (thank God I had the foresight to leave extra food down for the kids), got up early to go to 7:15 Mass and headed home afterwards. We stopped at a McDonald's along the Pike to grab something for breakfast. We tried those new McGriddle sandwiches. Holy crap, they're good. I want to know why they don't just call everything at McDonald's a McThis or a McThat. About 10 years ago I went through a McDonald's drive-thru and ordered a McFish sandwich. The girl working the drive-thru started cracking up and I couldn't figure out why. Well, it's a Filet-O-Fish sandwich, not a McFish. If they're going to name one thing a McSomething, they should name everything a McSomething, right?

Was supposed to go to the trainer for cardio tonight but my bad knee has been giving me a hard time all day, and part of yesterday, so she had me reschedule. We were talking on Thursday about how I'm doing with the diet she gave me. Quite frankly, I'm not following it at all. I'm very cranky on it. Makes me feel like I've got PMS, 24/7. I need carbs, plain and simple. I guess it bothers me that the very first time I talked with her she told me she didn't believe in low carb diets. So, what was the very first thing she did? Put me on a low carb diet! She told me it was only for a month, then a week later she said, "Oooh no, honey, this is for life!" And I'm thinking, "Oooooh, no, it's not!" I'm trying to figure out how to just tell her I'm going to her for the exercise only at this point and that I'm going to continue following the Weight Watchers program whether she likes it or not. I also told her about a muscle pull in my shoulder blade area from the week before that's still bothering me. Goes right into my jaw and has been aggravating my TMJ. She tried to rub the area a little bit and was floored at how tight/hard my muscles are. She said, "Well, I guess I know where all of your stress goes! You've got a lot going on that you don't talk about, don't you?" I just nodded. I've got a lot going on that I don't even write about in here even though that's why I started this thing in the first place.

I finally had my annual review at work last week. It was just with #2, which made me happy. I can be brutally honest with him about work stuff. I can't do that with the big boss. Anyway, we're supposed to do a self-evaluation, grading ourselves on a scale of 1 to 5, 1 being "I Suck" and 5 being "I'm A Freak Who Needs A Life Outside Of Work". I rated myself a 3 in everything, or "I Get My Job Done And Do It Well But Don't Expect Me To Bend Over Backwards For This God-Forsaken Place". The big boss rated me a 3 on everything as well. That's fine. I know I give only an average performance so don't expect an above average review. It's not what I want to do the rest of my life, especially not in the particular field I'm currently in, so am not going to put any more blood, sweat and tears into it than I have to. The thing #2 said to me was that they knew I had a lot more to offer and would like to see me do so. My answer pretty much was that unless the big boss wanted to start showing appreciation for what I already do, I didn't see any point in giving anymore when she doesn't even recognize what I do now. Hey, that's just the way I am. Plus, my raise last year sucked eggs and didn't give me much of an incentive to put much more into things than I do now. Fortunately my raise this year was a little better than it was last year. It still wasn't great, but it's better than nothing.

So the latest thing I've heard is that some higher-up in the Catholic Church said that if you're Catholic and believe that gay marriage is okay, you're going straight to Hell.

Ummm... okay...

::pregnant pause::

...so does that mean the people who covered up all the pedophile priests are going straight to Hell, too?