Brace yourself. This is a long entry.
Well, last Tuesday night I gave D a bit of a tongue lashing when he got home. Not the good kind, either. Why? Because when he got home Tuesday night he told me there was no volleyball and they�d been out drinking all evening. I was already pissed that he went out in a blizzard to play (I knew it�d be cancelled, but he and his buddies had to go to the gym to be sure!), but then I was especially pissed because there I sat all night while he was out drinking with them and didn�t even bother to let me know or ask if I�d like to join them. The place they went to is easily walkable from where we live. I could�ve walked up and joined them if I�d known. He said to me, �You wouldn�t want to be outside tonight.� And I said, �Oh, but you did?� Then he said, �Well, we were just talking about volleyball anyway.� How anyone can sit around for 3 � hours and talk just about volleyball is beyond me, but I wouldn�t have cared! I just want a freakin� invite to join once in a while, especially if there's no game happening that night!
Of course I felt bad for getting upset with him. I mean, he was thinking of me and figured I wouldn�t want to go out in the storm. So that night as we both lay in bed, in silence, I asked, �You awake?� He said, �Yeah.� So I told him I was sorry for flying off the handle, that I�d like to go out once in a while, too, and to know he�s not at volleyball if there�s a change in plans (I�m always paranoid something�s going to happen � he breaks a leg or something). On Wednesday I picked up a cinnamon danish from our favorite bakery as another apology. As I type, I still feel bad for lighting in to him.
I�m sorry, hon. :-(
Come Thursday, his league team had a bye week which happened to coincide with a department meeting at work he had to stay late for. He called from the train between 7 and 7:30. �R just called to see if I was still going out to the 99 tonight. You feel like going?� I said, �Well, I�m not dressed for it right now, but if you want to go, I�d love to!� So he said, �Let me call R back and see what�s up.� He called R, then called me back to say that R was unsuccessful at recruiting anyone else to go and decided to just call it a night. So even though we didn�t go out, I was just happy he asked.
I was kind of glad we didn�t end up going out that particular night, though. I have a confession to make. Over the past month I�ve been watching The OC and am now very addicted. I figured I could get away with watching it even though D was home because they were showing the new Star Wars trailer at the end of the show. He arrived home, asked, �Whatcha watchin�?� I said, �Oh, this is the show that�s going to have the new Star Wars trailer during one of its commercial breaks.� He went about his business for a few minutes, came back to the living room and asked, �Are you watching this show? You look like you�re watching this show. Tell me you�re not watching this show.� I just shot him a smirking �shut up� look and said nothing. �You�re watching the show! I can�t believe you�re watching this show! How long have you been watching it?� I told him I couldn�t believe it either, about a month and to shut up. I didn�t want anyone to know I watch it. So he sat down on the couch, started saying things like �Simpson�s did it!� or �They ripped that off from 90210� and the like. He also asked a few times when everyone would be heading to the Peach Pit.
Hmph.
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My ENT appointment on Friday went as good as could be expected. The infection in my left ear is finally gone. It still aches a little bit though. And, of course, it still itches like mad. The doctor gave me a prescription for a lotion to put in there when it bothers me (why the first ENT doctor I saw for this couldn�t have done the same is beyond me, but there�s a long story there that I don�t want to get into right now). Finally picked up the prescription on my way to work this morning. I�m looking forward to sweet relief! The doctor scolded me for scratching it with a Q-Tip. I didn�t apologize. That ear has been driving me mad for 6 years, whether I scratch it or not. Scratching it makes it happy.
The ENT doctor also asked what I was doing about my sleep apnea. I�ve had sleep apnea for a long time now but wasn�t actually diagnosed until 2001. When D and I first started dating he mentioned to me that I would stop breathing in my sleep and would really feel better if I got it checked out. I ended up moving out here before I went through with the test back in NY and just kind of forgot about it until D mentioned it again in �01. So, I told the doctor the little short story and that I wasn�t doing anything about it because when I went back for part 2 of the test, I couldn�t stand having the C-PAP mask on and therefore didn�t sleep. He�s very concerned that I�m not doing anything about it, wants me to do another sleep study and take care of it. He asked me to be honest about how I felt physically every day. I�m tired all the time. I yawn all day, no matter how much sleep I get the night before. I have to force myself out of bed every morning, and it�s not the typical �Oh I don�t want to get up because the bed is so comfy and warm�, it�s �Damn, my body feels like lead, my head hurts, I don�t feel refreshed, if I sleep until noon maybe I�ll feel better.� I also think the sleep apnea is what causes me to sigh so much (which my old boss had a problem with � but she can shove it up her butt as far as I�m concerned). It�s a bitch for me to lose weight. I�ve noticed I�m getting more and more irritable (as evidenced by my getting on D�s case last week). I�ve been experiencing heart palpitations. I�ve also developed an �I don�t give a rat�s ass� attitude about pretty much everything.
Not good.
And poor D ends up on the couch half the time because of my snoring. I feel so bad. I wish he�d wake me up and banish me to the couch once in a while.
So, I made another appointment with the ENT doctor to talk at length about the sleep apnea and will take things from there. D needs to be able to spend an entire night in bed for a change. I�m always surprised to wake up in the morning to find he�s still there and not on the couch.
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I looked at D�s sister-in-law�s profile on match.com again yesterday morning. I�m going to call her �Jezebel� from this point forward. Hey, it�s only fitting! Anyway, she updated her profile over the weekend with several new pictures and stated that she�s now self-employed. Gosh, I wonder where she got the money to go into business for herself? Oh, let me guess. Her husband?! She also changed her profile from looking for a woman to looking for a man. I wonder how the women she�s dating feel about that. And I wonder how her husband would feel about any of it.
I�m going to see if D will give me a green light to say something to her should she complain to me again about the family ignoring her at get-togethers.
Part of me feels guilty for being so angry with her because once in a great while, she really is a caring individual. But she�s so selfish so much of the time that I just want to dope-slap her and tell her to grow up. She�s almost 25 years old, for God�s sake. Act like it.
I guess a big part of the reason I get so angry with her is because she had the kind of life I�ve wanted all my life dropped into her lap and she�s squandering it. She married a loving, caring man who let her stay home to raise their family. Do you have any idea how much I�ve longed to be married and raising a family? Of course you don�t, because I�ve never talked about it. Believe me, I want it so bad it aches. And she�s just throwing it into the wind, not caring where it goes.
Part of me secretly wishes she�ll get knocked up and then will have to explain to her husband how it happened.
That�s a mean thing to wish, isn�t it.
I shall continue my rant about her some other time as I�ve spent too much time talking about her in this entry.
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I want to end this on an up note, so before I sign off, I must ask you to check this out! Two of my favorite things are coming together. The Queer Eye guys are having their way (haha) with some of my beloved Red Sox. Can�t wait to see this episode! I think it�s going to air in June.
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Thanks so much for stopping by. And listening to me rant.
Have a wonderful evening! :-)
