Wow, it�s been 2 weeks since I�ve been here. Truth be known, I�ve started a new blog on blogster, but haven�t written a whole lot there, either. Just haven�t been in the right frame of mind to post. I�ve got a lot on my mind. When I have a lot on my mind and feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, I have a tendency to become very unfocused and withdrawn.

A few weeks ago I got a letter from the women�s imaging center stating they needed a follow-up mammography to the one I had done in late June (I can�t remember exactly when it was). Like a fool I waited until after we got back from vacation to call and schedule another appointment. The imaging center, rather than pulling up my information and finding out what they needed, told me I had to call my doctor to get the specifics.

*sigh*

Fine.

I called my doctor, left a message and went about my day. She called me back later that evening, around 6:30, while I was making dinner. She told me the fibroid I have in my right breast has grown, and that they see a shadow on the same breast but in a different area. She told me she wanted another mammogram and ultrasound done, which I�m going for this Thursday. I�m calling the imaging center daily for cancellations in the hope I can get them done sooner.

When I hung up the phone with my doctor I felt numb. I didn�t say anything and finished preparing dinner. When I brought our dinner in and sat down D said, �Well?� I said, �Well, what?� He asked, �Are you going to tell me what the doctor said?� So I said, �If I try to talk about it right now I�m just going to cry.� He said, �So? Cry!� So through many tears I told him what the doctor told me. Somehow, by the time we were done talking about it I was chuckling. And dinner was cold.

But I�m still very anxious. My aunt�s first bout with breast cancer happened when she was in her mid 30�s. My mother�s ovarian cancer was discovered in the very early stages when she was in her mid 30�s. I�m going to be 35 in just 2 � weeks.

I keep telling myself everything�s fine; that I shouldn�t worry until I know there�s something to worry about. Heck, even if I do have cancer, I live in the best area in the nation for treatment. Why am I worrying?

I�m worrying because I watched, with the rest of my family, how it slowly took my aunt away from us. How much it hurt then, and how much it still hurts now, to not have her with us.

I remind myself that much advancement has been made in the treatment of cancer. I also remind myself that it tried to take my mother and my sister, but it didn�t. They�ve both been cancer free for many years now.

If I do, in fact, have cancer, I will fight it. I will do whatever needs to be done to eradicate it from my body.

And that is all I have to say today.